The Empty Life?

What is life, when you suddenly find yourself floating in an empty limbo where nothing is what you remember it being? Is it really empty? Has life ended from what you used to know it being? Or have you simply moved on to a new existence, and suddenly find you have to make your own new world?

Life is about creating new experiences and allowing them to direct you and to take you to where you thought you could never go.

I am in the process of graduating from BYU-Idaho, waiting for the paperwork to finish and the actual graduation to occur in December. In the meanwhile, I find myself confused and somewhat lost. I haven't quite finished school, but at the same time, everything is done and I'm just waiting on the formalities to really give myself a sense of accomplishment and finality, to let myself say my goodbyes and let that life move into the past.

Yet, I think that life will never allow the past to fade away completely. It continues to haunt, to remind, to sneak around a corner when you least expect it, or something it even just walks right up and slaps you in the face. I find myself now facing my past, yet not my past. Haunting memories and familiarities are mixed up in the present, creating an image that seems to belong more in a kaleiodoscope and not my life. Yet, now I get to deal with it.

Yet, I sit here, wondering what to do. I watch those that I know going through half a million different things, it seems. Some are happy, some are sad. Some seem fulfilled, some seem empty. Some seem close, and some seem distant. Yet, it makes sense, in a number of ways. People are going on with their lives, and so am I, and now we are going in different directions. That's the way of life, and there is nothing wrong with it.

Yet, it leaves me feeling empty. I keep trying to fill the emptiness, yet it never really seems to work. Everything I try just seems to be fluff, nothing substantial. But I don't really know how to find the substantial anymore? Or do I? Maybe I actually do but I just am not giving myself credit for being able to, not allowing myself to because I don't WANT to believe that I can, because I don't WANT to let go of the past and move on to something new.

Well, whatever the case may be, I guess I just gotta smile and keep going with it. Make the most of what I have. What else is there to do, really?

Sleep and Dreams

You know what I think is one of the most under-rated things we have? Sleep.

Being a senior in college, sleep has become something that I am at odds with. Either I don't get enough of it, it is reluctant to come visit me, or we fight all night and neither of us get up in the morning happy. Sleep is a very tricky creature to stay on good terms with.

I'm sure this thought doesn't come as much of a surprise, given than most people I know are either in college or have experienced it at some point in life. It really is a trying thing. And not sleeping, well, that just doesn't help much at all. But you know what they say, we can sleep when we're dead. Sounds good to me. Only 60 more years to go until I can sleep.

Why is it, though, that we dream, but not always happy, or sad, or scary, or pleasant? Why do we wake up from some dreams feeling refreshed, and from others feeling as though we never slept? Why are some dreams so vivid, and others only a murky fog? No new questions for humanity or God here, just finally being repeated by yet another person. I guess it's something that most everyone asks at some point or another. Let's just say, I'm really looking forward to hearing the answer.

Anyway, yeah, this is my first post in a long time. Life tends to get you busy and some things just fall by the wayside. Who knows, maybe I'll keep it up. Maybe not. Guess we'll just have to see in the future.

The Importance of What Matters

Some days I just wonder what exactly is it that I'm trying to accomplish, with all that I do. What exactly are my goals in life? Where am I headed, what am I trying to be? I wonder how often we all ask ourselves these questions. And how often do we honestly answer them?

To answer those questions honest is perhaps the biggest challenge that most of us will ever face in this life. We don't like to accept hard answers and the difficulties that those answers can present us with. We don't want to acknowledge that maybe we did something wrong, or maybe we aren't as good at something as we would like to believe. Maybe we know we should have acted a bit differently with our friends. Perhaps we shouldn't have spent so much time slacking off instead of getting our work done. What about all those times when we said we were doing good, but really weren't, and didn't want anyone to know?

Yeah, it seems to be rather a strange musing. But honestly, think about it, who is going to know? I look at my followers on this blog, and I don't have many. I'm not really using Facebook right now, so this won't get posted on there. So it would be those five people, if they ever bother to see it and check it. How many people really look at this?

And that's one of the questions that I ask myself - what matters? It's one of those questions that really stings a lot, perhaps the most, to ask. Do I really want to know that answer? Not usually, no, actually. I'd often much rather not. Sometimes it's simpler to continue on in the ignorance of my youth, the simplicity that it can bring to my life.

But it doesn't really matter, does it? Life has a great way of taking those things that we need to focus on and address and throwing them in our faces for us to see and acknowledge and deal with, whether we want to or not. It's just one of the many pains of life that we have to deal with, sadly.

The Musings of a Mind

Okay, think back, when was the last time you thought, "What's the point?" I'm gonna hazard and guess and say for some, it hasn't been all that long. It seems to be a pretty common thought, actually. And a good one at that.

Wondering what the point of something is perhaps one of the most crucial points to developing our minds and our intellects. If we aren't constantly questioning things, then we become stagnant. To see it from a different perspective, let's use the child's most common question, "Why?" Asking why becomes a fundamental part of developing our thoughts and our lives. It becomes the basis of what makes our lives everything that they are.

Then stop, again, and think, how many times have you thought, "It doesn't matter." What have you lost with that thought? What have you put aside? Everyone does it, all the time, and you know, that's okay. There are things that just don't matter that much to us, and if we lose something from it, then we'll still get along fine because we ask "Why" to something else. But what if that something becomes something life changing? What might we have lost by not asking ourselves more about it, looking more into and finding out what it had to offer?

But how do we decide what to ask about and what not to ask about? Is your brain starting to melt yet from reading this? No? Hmm, I must not be doing a good enough job at making you think too hard. Thinking too hard is perhaps one of the greatest reasons that things don't get done in our lives. We sit there and think too much about the "ifs" and the "maybes." I know everyone has at some point, it is just part of life. It's learning to not let those things catch us and hold us, but to make a decision.

And I'm finished musing.

The Truth of Self Control

Ever wondered why self control is sometimes made into a big issue? Or why it seems that when people don't have it, it almost always looks like they're having fun? I've wondered about that, a lot, actually. But really, as I've thought about it and as I'm learning about it from personal experience, having self control really is much more fun, because then you get to pick what you want and what you do, and are not controlled by what you want and feel like you're neglecting yourself if you don't follow those urges.

Self control is perhaps one of the most neglected talents among the entire human population. Honestly, think about it. If people learned to control their wants, society would be better. Hate, anger, crime, addictions, unproductivity, teenage pregnancy, so much of this would disappear. A bit of control, and life would be dramatically improved.

"But I'm fine with how things are." Really? So many people claim that, that they're happy with the way things are. And it's true, they may find some happiness, when they're engaged in the activities that give them pleasure. But when they are denied those activities, whatever they may be, so often I see them upset, angry, depress, worried, nervous, etc. Their lives become a complete mess, until they're able to fulfill that desire, that urge.

"It's so hard to have control." It most certainly is. That's why it's called self control, because we're learning to put our wants under our control and direction. It takes a lot of hard work, and a lot of people don't want to put that work in, especially if they don't really understand the reward and benefit of doing so. They see it simply as denying themselves of their pleasure. Really, though, I think pleasure comes from allowing oneself to pick what to want, pick when to engage in activities, and giving oneself the ability to say no to things that just don't seem right or won't lead to lasting happiness.

"Why should I even bother?" I personally sometimes wonder how I can trust people who don't want to control themselves, or even worse, don't understand why they should. Sure, I might get along with them, but how do I know they won't let their desires override their judgement, or lead them to put aside a responsibility for something that needs to be done right away? If they have no control over themselves, how can one expect them to have control over things outside themselves?

There is truth in seeing that those with the most self control are the ones who succeed in life. They learn how to put their natural desires aside and focus on the needs of the moment, like work or school or training, etc. It's something I think that we can all take a lesson from. I won't ever claim to be in great control of myself. It is so much easier to simply let myself follow my natural interests, but I find it so much of the time to be detrimental to my health, or my emotions, or my spiritual life. When I take charge and put myself in control, I am happier, healthier, more focused, more in tune, and able to function and perform better.

Having self control is the secret, I think, to living a truly happy life. Learn to control yourself, and you can learn to control almost anything. It may take a long time, perhaps one's entire life. But so long as we are working towards having self control and keeping it our goal, I think that we can accomplish anything we set out to do, in time.

Physical Energy - or the Lack Thereof

So, I really should be in bed right now, but after realizing how long it's been since I put up a blog post, I figured it was as good a time as any, and I'd probably forget by tomorrow evening. That is, if I have the energy to do it tomorrow anyway.

Isn't it interesting how we can have all the energy in the world to do some activities, but with others we have no energy at all? Or at least, we wish we didn't have any energy? I spent the last three hours of work today imagining calling my service manager and informing him that if I continued working, I would drop over from exhaustion. Or of having a customer finding me passed out on the ground outside their house. Either way, it wound up with me having the next day off to sleep in and blissfully not have to work. Alas, t'was only a daydream.

This isn't the first time I've done hard physical work out in the hot summer heat. Several years ago saw me doing construction in one of the hottest California summers in several decades. Yet this already feels worse. Might have to do with the fact that I wear long sleeve, slack, and goggles all day . . . okay, it certainly does. I'm missing my shorts and t-shirts very much right now.

If there's one consolation I've taken from this, it's that it will get better and easier with time. It did back then, and it will now. I just have to let my body adapt, which is sadly easier said that done. After downing over a gallon of water, I can still say I'm dehydrated. There's just something wrong with that, either way you cut it.

Anyway, yes, this has been a mostly pointless blog post. So far, there isn't to terribly much going on in my life that merits a close inspection or a deep look into life. I'm sure that will change. All in all, this is helping me to again realize why I want to continue with my education - so I'm not having to do this sort of hard physical labor for the insufficient pay that I receive for it.

On a slightly happier note, here is a link to a really awesome video. It's actually all about the music being played (live orchestra!!), and I'm listening to it as I'm writing this blog. You should all check it out and enjoy. :D

http://www.gametrailers.com/video/e3-2011-zelda-skyward/715119

Late At Night

Have you ever wondered what occurs late at night? What do people do? What thoughts emerge? How crazy is the "night life" that everyone talks about?

To be honest, from what I know of the "night life," it's really not all it's cracked up to be. Most of the time, the "night life" leads people to do stupid stuff. That's the honest truth. Who really thinks their clearest at 3am? No one. The human body isn't designed to do that. Now, admittedly, there may be some people really good at it. But it just generally isn't natural. Some people would argue the natural case. What exactly is "natural," then? That's the question that stems from that who argument. What is natural supposed to be? It's when something is in the state it was originally intended to be in. So "natural" is not how something starts out, it's how it's supposed to be, otherwise it is in a state opposed to it's natural being.

Now, people can argue that, and I'm sure they would if they read this, but seeing as my readership is not very high, I doubt many people will read it or argue with it. That's fine. Because this was written during an unnatural state, when I was up at 2 in the morning, very tired. I prove my own point, and prove that circular logic and reasoning are as effective at proving points as using a piece of cloth is as effective at sharpening a knife. Confused yet?