Endings, Beginnings, with a little chaos.

2014. I don't know what to think about it. As I'd read other people's views and opinions of 2014 and how they couldn't wait for it to end, I continued to think how I wanted to be different, how I wanted 2014 to be a good year, how I wanted to look back on it with happiness and excitement. Maybe that attitude is slightly colored by the fact that I really liked the year 2004, for whatever reason, and since it's been 10 years, I would hope it was just as good. Not totally true. But not entirely false, either.

2014 has seen its fair share of frustrations and pains. There are a lot of things about 2014 that I wish had gone differently, not the least being how things have turned out with my car - not at all as I had hoped. I suppose not everything can be.

It has also had its bright moments. I've met people whom I'm glad to have met and been able to get to know, and I wouldn't trade that for anything. I've had some experiences that were exciting and adventureful, even educational.

Overall, 2014 has been a year of many different things. 2015, well, now that may prove to be an interesting year. I'm in the midst of travelling to Utah, and so far it has been mostly a mess. A potentially completely dead car may not be the best way to start the year, but if that is the worst this year offers me, then perhaps the year won't be a disaster after all. I am for it to be an awesome one!  After all, just because one crazy event happens, the future can't be based upon that alone.

If this hasn't made a whole lot of sense, well, I'll be honest, I'm mostly scatter-brained right now. I'm looking forward to a chance to breath tomorrow, and hopefully get back on my feet and face the new year with gusto and energy! Here's to making it a great one!!! Happy New Year, everyone!

Mercy

"But behold, he did deliver them because they did humble themselves before him; and because they cried mightily unto him he did deliver them out of bondage; and thus doth the Lord work with his power in all cases among the children of men, extending the arm of mercy towards them that put their trust in him." (Mosiah 29:20)

Christ has an ever-lasting desire to show unto us mercy, and will do so as we put our trust in Him and follow Him and keep his commandments. We are not perfect, we stumble and fall. We sometimes lose our way. Sometimes we even act out in open rebellion against Him. And yet, He stands ready to receive us should we choose to turn back to Him and lean on Him.

As I face a new start and new direction in my life, this is a comfort to me. I know He is there, that He loves me, and although there may be moments when I lose sight of that or forget the true extent of that love, He is always there to remind me. Sometimes it's a gentle nudge, sometimes it's a shove. It's always what I need at that time. I am grateful for Christ, for the Atonement which He selflessly performed, and for His great willingness to love me and forgive me.

Finding Happines

I know that I want to say something, but I'm not entirely sure how to put it into words. Which, in and of itself, is something that isn't terribly common, at least "on paper." 

It's interesting to see how we search through our lives trying to find happiness, and the different routes we take to get there. We keep happiness as our end goal, but I honestly think that very few of us know how we want to get there, or what will really help us arrive.

There are some who choose to partake in activities that may bring momentary pleasure, and for the sake of pleasure, I can understand that. I may disagree with it, but I can understand, at the very least.

There are those who deny themselves some things in life that would bring happiness, should they seek after them. Things which are good and wholesome and uplifting.

There are those who seek it in solitude, locked away from the world with any number of distractions that aim to occupy the mind and pull the eye.

There are those who look for it in company, companionship with many people. They spend their time endlessly socializing and meeting and going places.

And then, there are those who look for balance. They find those things which bring pleasure, of a good kind. They spend time with those that make them smile and feel good about life. They take time to recharge their batteries when they need to, relaxing in quiet. They avoid indulgence to abundance or neglect. and are not afraid to take the time to do those things which are less than fun to do. They don't shy away from the hard work, but smile through it. They reach out and uplift others, bringing them up to a greater level of happiness.

I cannot for sure say who or where I am on this road of life toward happiness. I'm still trying to find my place, and how to get there, but I'm getting some really good ideas of what will make me happy and what will not. Of what will truly satisfy the good cravings of my heart and soul. I know not every day will bring joy, nor every activity bliss. That is alright. No day is the end of "it all." When one thing doesn't work out, I can look for the next. If I find myself wandering the wrong road trying to find happiness, I can backtrack and find a more correct path. I can enjoy the company of those around me when I am able, and find peace in the quiet times when no one is able to be around.

I can find happiness.

Thoughts Before Leaving

As many of you know by now, I'm going to be leaving Virginia just before the New Year. I'll be headed out to Utah to start up school at UVU, studying Information Technology, most likely for the next two to three years. This wasn't an easy decision for me to make, and it's still got a couple of question marks attached to it, but I feel it is the right move to make and that it is the place for me to be going to right now.

That being said, this move has given me pause, as it approaches rather rapidly. I've had a number of things to think about and ponder on, and it's given me some interesting reflection and introspection. I just thought I'd share a few.

Personal shells can be helpful at times, but if stayed in too long, it generally only leads to regret. This isn't a new thought, but it is one that I keep re-learning almost every place I go. When I meet new people or end up in a new situation, often I'll retreat into my personal shell and just observe the world. Out here in Virginia, it wasn't until only the last few months that I've begun to emerge from my shell and to make friends. This has turned out to be my loss, as there are some amazing people out here that I wish I could have gotten to know better.

Relying upon the Lord in all things is perhaps the most important thing for us to do, because if we choose not to, we do so at our own peril. Times like this can be especially trying due to my moving and not knowing anyone (often) in the place I am moving to, or knowing very little about where I'll be. I don't do anxiety or stress very well, and this is a time that is full of both. It is a good time to remember that I need to turn tot he Lord to find guidance, direction, and comfort while I'm settling into a new life and making new friends. And then, to remember to not turn away from His help after I have settled in, because I will always need His help, and there is always a new situation to be faced.

Courage is something that can come and go, most often at the worst times. There are a lot of things in life that take courage and guts, and without them, it is easy to become lost and discouraged and miss out on many possible opportunities. Sure, not everything is fun. Sure, sometimes things don't go the way we'd hoped or planned. Sure, sometimes people turn out to be very different than we'd hoped, or they shut us down without a second thought. Life is like that, so very often, and all we can do is move on, pick up our courage, and keep on to the next opportunity. It isn't easy, and it wasn't meant to be easy. Nothing good comes without effort or price.

I will stop here, so that I don't drive you all insane. But before I go, to anyone who may read this that I have gotten to know over the last year and a half in Virginia, no matter how much or little, thank you. Thank you for making this a fun, interesting, and overall great adventure. Thank you for letting me share in your lives and your dreams. Thank you for helping me to feel like I could belong here, even if only for a short while. I wish you all the best, and may good things come to you in great numbers. May you be blessed and kept safe and happy. May we all be kept so.

His Blood

Today while I was at church, I had some thoughts which struck me fairly strongly and left me thinking. I wrote them down there, and felt like sharing here, which isn't something I normally do. I hope this may mean something to you, as it did to me.

There is blood on my hands. The blood of an innocent man, a man who suffered for my mistakes. A man who was killed in my place. A man who did no wrong, thought no evil, wished no harm. A man who was good above all. His blood is on my hands. And He did it for me, willingly. He stepped forward to take my place before the gavel of justice. He paid the price to free me from my sins and my wrong choices. He did this that I might live.

I am a sinful man, a man of wrong choices, past and future mistakes, of willing failures and regrets. Because of me, He was required to shed His blood if I were to ever be redeemed from my faults. Because of this, His blood is on my hands.

Yet it is blood that I cannot wash off, blood on my hands that I should not wash off. His blood cleanses me, and to be found with His blood on my hands is to be made whole and found worthy before him.

He has asked only that I do as He asks, a small request. Should I choose to do as He asks, He will spare me from the pain and hurt and abuse and suffering and death which He experienced in my place.

Blood is the vessel of life for our bodies. It is our blood that transports needed oxygen and nutrients to our cells. Waste is removed through the blood. Our body's defense system can travel through our blood to assist against invasion. Without our blood, our bodies cannot function and quickly die.

Christ shed His blood, sacrificing His life, giving up His life-giving blood, that through that sacrifice we are given life, I am given life. Without Christ's blood, we cannot live, just as without our blood, our bodies cannot live. To rid myself of the blood of Christ is to rid myself of life.

I have blood on my hands, the blood of Jesus Christ, my Savior. His is the blood I need, and am grateful for. His blood is on my hands, and I will be forever indebted and thankful that for me, He gave of Himself that I might live.

Looking at Eyes

When was the last time you stopped and actually looked AT someone's eyes? I don't mean you were looking them in the eyes while talking, or seeing "into" their eyes, or anything like that. I mean exactly what I said, when did you last actually look at someone's eyes?

I've seen a broad range of eyes over the last few years, full of colors and hues that have made me pause and marvel at what I have seen.

Eyes a shade of grey that can only be found in a cloud lit from behind by the sun.

Eyes of different sizes and colors, a mismatched pair that yet still worked well together.

Eyes such a rich, sparkling sapphire blue that demand your attention and admiration.

Eyes the striking green of a rain forest after a summer shower.

Eyes a black as midnight that seem to swallow you whole.

Eyes a hazel that couldn't seem to make up its mind, shifting back and forth between green and brown.

There are so many eyes all around us, offering so many different sights and beauties of their own. So the next time you are talking with some, take a moment, and look. See their eyes, and find their unique beauties.

Thoughts on Friendship, Part 2

A few days ago, I sat down and started to write out this blog, and got several paragraphs into it. "Why do we want friendship?" I was looking at it, analyzing it, trying to explore it, but I simply couldn't seem to make much headway with it. So I left it alone for several days.

During those few days, with it percolating in the back of my mind, I realized several things. First off, the ins and outs of friendship, as a subject, have most likely been explored since people were first capable of making friends. So anything I can say will most likely be a rehash of everything ever thought of. No surprise there, but it's fun to discover things for yourself, right? Secondly, I realized I was over-thinking this entire thing. Sure, there are bits and pieces of the topic of friendship that I really want to dive into and explore, if only for myself, but this part, the why we want friends, seems really simple now.

In essence, as I see it, we want friends because we want to know we matter to someone else. We want someone to talk with, to play with, to share secrets with, to make discoveries with. We want someone to pull us up when we're down, who can see through our outer shell and know what we are really thinking. We want someone there who will call us on the carpet when we won't be honest with ourselves. We want someone to stand up for us when others try to put us down. We want to matter.

What more is there to say about it? Wanting to know that someone cares about us is a part of being human. It doesn't have to be a lot of people. But knowing that at least one person is there for us, whenever we need them, can be the best feeling in the world.

Thoughts on Friendship, Part 1

So, to introduce this, I've been thinking on the concept of friendship for the last while. What is friendship, why do we seek to have friends, what are the different kinds of friends we have, and lastly, how we keep friendships alive and how those friendships end. I going to be looking at these ideas over the next while, though with no promises as to how soon they'll all be out. Be warned, this is a thought experiment constantly under development, so it may move and change as these posts appear.

So, let's start off with the question, "What is friendship?" That, I think, is a paradoxical question, in that it offers both a simple answer and a complex answer.

I ran across a fortune cookie the other day that put it this way: "Friendship is understanding with love." Okay, not exactly a fortune, but an interesting thought nonetheless. I read it and thought, "so is that what friendship is really all about? Understanding with a side order of love?" (Okay, I was in the restaurant at the time, so it seemed appropriate.) It really is a simple way to summarize what real friendship is, though - knowing someone, understanding them, and loving them.

Friendship is something more, though, when you really delve deeper into the concept. It embodies more, such as trust, concern, service, sympathy, and devotion. If you take out any of these concepts, you weaken friendship, even to the point where it decays to nothing (I'll come back to this in a future post). When you find yourself caring about another person, interested in spending time with them and having fun together, wondering about how their life is going, caring about their concerns and worries, supporting them through both good and bad times, you are experiencing the fruits of friendship. It is all of these things, and so much more.

I still feel that this is an incomplete ideal of what friendship is, at best. The more I think on it, the more I wonder if it is possible to truly define what friendship is and what it can be. Maybe it is something unique and individual to each friendship. Maybe there are so many traits that go into making up friendships that no one friendship can have them all. What do you think? Do you agree with what I've considered here? Do you disagree? Have more to add? Let me know, I've love to hear what you think. I highly doubt I'm done thinking about it myself.

Buried by the Mountain Waves

I recently read an article in the October 2014 Ensign magazine that really caught my attention. It was about this man who was dealing with depression, struggling to get up and go to work every day, praying for help just to find the strength to make it through one more day. He went on to compare this experience to the story found in Ether, where the Jaradites were crossing the ocean in barges that were being pushed along by winds and storms. He makes specific mention of the weather, "And it came to pass that they were many times buried in the depths of the sea, because of the mountain waves which broke upon them."

That is the idea that I want to focus on here, just for a moment. Those days when we feel like we're being crushed under the weight of a mountain. Where our trials and our difficulties and our struggles just seem too strong and powerful to overcome. Where it feels like everything is arrayed against us and is determined to drag us down to a crushing destruction. We've all had those days. Some have had them more often and more powerfully than others, yes, but I don't think anyone is immune to those feelings, and will run into them at some point in their life.

The man in the article continues on, noting how when the Jaradites were buried in the mountain waves, they would cry unto the Lord and He would bring them up again to the surface every time. So it is with us, the Lord can pull us through and bring us up to air again. And often, we will be hit with another mountain wave, just as the Jaradites were. The storms continue to rage all around us, and so we can expect that we will continue to be pounded on each side. But we can trust that as we reach out to God, He will pull us back up every time. We cannot lose hope and allow ourselves to sink down into the crushing black.

The article reaches its finale by focusing on this last section of scripture: "And it came to pass that the wind did never cease to blow towards the promised land..." This perhaps is the most important line in the whole section, when focused on our analogy. The winds and storms that were causing the mountain waves that buried the Jaradite barges were the source of their movement towards the promised land. Without those storms, the Jaradites would not have been able to get there and would have been stuck. It is the same with us. The storms in our lives, those that leave us feeling buried under mountains of hurt and pain and sorrow and anguish and misery are also the storms that will bring us closer to the promises that God has in store for us, in our own "promised land." We may not know what we are being pushed to, exactly, or when we will get there, but the same was true of the Jaradites. Yet they did not give up hope, despite being pushed through those storms for very nearly a year.

We each will struggle and hurt, and we each will face times in our lives when it will feel easier to give up and allow the mountain to crush us, to give in and sink into oblivion. To all of us, I would urge us to never quit, to never let go, and to never give up hope. The Lord has promised that He will help us through our struggles, and allows for the pains in life to help make us better and stronger and bring us to where we need to go. Without our struggles, we will be stuck as we are, unable to become better. So let us plead with the Lord to make us stronger, to bring us up for air when the mountain waves crash upon us and drive us into the deep. And let us watch for those around us who may be struggling with their own mountains. Let us help them reach out to God, and know they are not alone.



All scriptures cited here can be found here.
The article discussed here is not available online as of the time of this posting, but should be available soon through this page.

"Wreck-It Ralph-ing"

I've been thinking about this for quite a while now, and really, I'm still not sure what it is I'm trying or even want to say. So if this gets a bit rambly, well, you know why. And yes, I know "rambly" isn't a real word.

A little while ago, I discussed the idea that we often don't really know what other people are going through and how they are dealing with life and life events. In some ways, this is a continuation on that theme, while still separate.

For lack of a better term, I'm going to call what I'm thinking about today "Wreck-It Ralph-ing." Not very smooth, I know, but it may help bring the idea across more smoothly. As you probably remember, Ralph is the guy who shows up to work each days, does his job well, then leaves. He seems like a pretty straight-forward type of person, focused on what he does, and proud of what he can do. He's also the guy that no one really knows, but wants to be known, just wants to be recognized as more than "that guy" and appreciated and a part of the world around him, not just another piece in it. So, "Wreck-It Ralph-ing" is being in that situation, where you're there, you see everyone else around you enjoying life, but you don't quite feel a part of it, etc.

Lost? Confused on what I'm trying to say? If so, that's perfectly fine, because I'm kind of lost, too. I think what's floating around my head isn't something that I'm going to be able to easily pin down, at least not for another month or two. My brain works that way, like a simmering pot. Eventually it'll boil, it just takes longer.

Anyway.

I think it's probably safe to say that we all have our days where we feel like we're just a part of the machine, that we are supposed to be there, but we don't necessarily fit in. We belong, but we're not a part. We watch and observe and think, but we don't really interact. Maybe we just haven't taken that step to reach out to others. Maybe others haven't reached out to us. And maybe, just maybe, we're not the only one feeling this way.

I can't speak for anyone else, because I've never lived anyone else's life. I only can speak from my experiences, and I can say, there have been times when I have felt this way. There, a piece of the whole, and yet still an outsider. Part of the group, but not one of the crew. A face you see in the hallway and say hello to, but not someone you think about past that. There are times when I have been right with those feelings, and there are times where I have been wrong to feel that way.

I can't say that there is any great solution to these feelings, or what causes them. Only that they are real. And that, I honestly believe, we all feel them at some point in our lives. To any and all who may be feeling that way, you are not alone in your feelings. We understand. I understand. Forgive me if I'm not great at helping to get rid of that feeling. But don't ever give up hope, either. We all belong somewhere. We are all important to someone, even if we have no idea that we are. Maybe someday we'll get lucky enough to realize it, too.

9/11 Thoughts

Today is the 13th anniversary of the attack on the Twin Towers in New York. Whenever this day comes around, we spend it taking some time to remember where we were when we first heard the news, when "our lives changed forever," as some would say. And change they did, but did they change forever? Did they change for the better? And are they still changing?

I was in my freshman year of high school when the attack took place, and for the next few years, I can remember always thinking about how we needed to get back at the people who did this, while at the same time wondering if it would happen again. I was on the West Coast, the complete other side of the country, and to be honest, in many ways, it wasn't very real to me. The loss of lives, the chaos, the destruction, and the resulting events that have been taking place since then. Now that I'm a little older, when I stop to think on what happened, it is more real to me and makes more sense, but I start to wonder, too, about how I have changed and how we as a country may have changed.

The most obvious changes right away were increased security and a pervasive sense of fear and vulnerability. We were America, the world powerhouse, safe and invulnerable on this side of the world away from all the chaos happening around the world. We no longer were that. And as a result, in many ways, we got meaner and more distant, from one another and from people around the world. We saw danger everywhere. We no longer wanted people who thought differently than us coming near us. Anyone who looked suspicious could be there to hurt us.

We also focused a lot on the lives of those who were lost. We grew close as a nation, as people bound in a common loss and hurt. Our pride was bruised, our families wounded, and American people and heroes had been killed. We found healing and strength in one another, we found hope in a better tomorrow through that unity that comes from tragedy. We found a renewed determination to become better and stronger and to never forget the loss that had inspired this.

Thirteen years later, I look around, and part of me wonders if we have forgotten all that we learned, all that we felt, all that we decided we would do and become. In some ways, it is the inevitable result of the generation shift. There are teenagers now who were born after the events of that day took place. There are people approaching voting age who know about what happened only from history textbooks. To them, it's just another Pearl Harbor - something that happened before their time that was a tragedy, but has had no significant impact in their lives because they didn't experience it. That isn't their fault, it's just reality. But what about the rest of us?

I see a public divided on politics, on lifestyles, on our position in the world, on race, on how we should deal with people who are trying to come into our country, on the substances we partake of, on the safety of our identities online, and on how we should view ourselves. I see and hear fewer and fewer comments on the world-shaking event that took place, only side mentions of heightened security due to possible threats because of what day it is. I see less of the strength we found as a nation, united in our way, and more fracturing over just what that way is. I hear less about how to become a stronger country and more about how to become a less involved country, while somehow trying to be an open country. I see confusion, distrust, anger, and pride taking the foreground in the daily life of America.

I also see compassion, happiness, unity, and courage where it wasn't before. Those who went and fought, instead of being reviled and spit up, are now being welcomed home and helped to find a place in a society that is striving to remember all that they have and continue to give to protect us. I see efforts to promote greater understandings of those who have different ideals than we do, who think differently than we do, and who believe differently than we do. I see efforts to create a better world to live in, that may be free of the hurts of the world before the events of that day.

We have all changed in some way, big or small, from the events of that day. Some have been good, and some have been less positive. Some continue to be felt, and some were quick to fade away. How we continue to remember and to change is entirely up to us. We can make positive changes as we remember those who lost their lives that day and since, or we can forget and possibly make negative decisions that will cost us again in the future. We can become a more unified and united America, or we can grow divided and splintered. We can live in happiness and hope, or we can scurry about in fear and perpetual worry and anger. The choice is entirely up to us.

Wherever we go in the coming years, may we always remember, and may it change us for the better.

Falling Down and Getting Up

I always find watching little kids run around interesting, because they have this uncanny ability to trip and fall flat on their faces, then get right back up and keep running around laughing their heads off, as though nothing happened (at this point, the physics nerds will start explaining all the reasons why this happens, which all makes sense). Then, I'll watch almost any pro-sports player fall down (for any reason) and spend 10+ minutes lying senseless on the ground. A dichotomy that I find very interesting.

The more I've thought about this, the more interesting lessons that I've drawn from it, in a mental and spiritual sense. A child, for the most part, is able to fall down and get right back up because nothing serious has happened as a result of that fall. An athlete, however, often falls down due to something rather impacting (see what I did there, huh?), and can have some more serious consequences.

Our life, our mentality, and our spirituality can be a lot like that, and I think it's something that we need to consider and take into account, for those around us and for ourselves. When someone is living a good, wholesome, righteous life, mistakes that they make can often be not so serious. Like a little child, they can get right back up and keep on going without a second thought. Sometimes it's more serious, and they get a skinned knee that slows them down for a while. But typically, such persons are usually up and going again within a very short time.

Those who are in different situations, however, living lives that are not full of good thing, or that are unrighteous, or even are in hard situations regardless of their personal choices, such as depression or a rough family setting, may get knocked down and have a hard time getting up. Oftentimes the blow that knocks them over is harsh, and the results can be very painful and difficult to deal with. They don't get up right away, because it's hard to get back up when you feel like you've been run over by a tank.

What I think is worth thinking on and focusing on, however, is how we, both individually and as a society, react to those who are struggling to get back up, or who are even still lying down on life's playing field, after suffering a hard blow. We may not have seen the last 100 times this person has been knocked down, the injuries they've suffered, the pain they feel, and the discouragement that is taking a strong hold of their lives. We may not understand why they don't want to get up anymore, or why they can't just bounce back and keep on going. Sometimes we don't see why "toughening up" or "manning up" doesn't work for them.

As seriously, sometimes we don't see it for ourselves, about ourselves. We fall down, and the world expects us to get up and get going again right away, but when we try, we slip and fall, or get bowled over again. We don't feel like getting up, but the pressure from those around us, and from ourselves, drives us to keep trying, even when we shouldn't try to get up so fast. Sometimes we need to lie down for a few minutes, rest up, recover our strength, and make sure we haven't suffered any severe injuries. And when we have been hurt, we should take time to heal. Athletes go off the field when they get hurt, and sometimes we need to get off the field when we get hurt.

The point here is that we all need to be a little more sensitive to those around us, to understand what they are feeling and how they are dealing with it. Not everyone can get right back up and keep going. Sometimes people are good at faking it, for many reasons. We shouldn't be giving them an extra reason to fake it. We should be the ones helping them off the field, if they need it, or pulling them back to their feet, or maybe even just handing them a bottle of water and making idle conversation while they recover for a few minutes. Let us all try to understand a little more, help a little more, and discourage a little less. After all, we all fall down.

Major Life Decisions

So, it's been a while. And now I find myself at a time when I am needing to make some major decisions in my life. I completed a Bachelors degree a little while ago, though it is in no specific field. Now I am faced with the decision of either attempting to pursue a Masters degree of some sort, or to find a possible career.

Sometimes it's tempting to look at the people who are around me, who are moving forward with life, and to assume that they've got it all figured out and know what they are doing. It's easy to forget that they have, and in many instances, are continuing to try to decide what they want to do and where they want to end up. For instance, today I spoke with someone who is pursuing a degree and had previously wanted to work at a museum, perhaps management level. Now, some time later, this person is seeking a new direction far different from the original goal, and this is after a year of study with a certain goal in mind.

So what does this mean to me? I know others who have made similar career changes at different stages in life. Some came after completing a Bachelors degree and discovered that they did not want to continue down that path. Some came mid-degree. Some came without pursing a degree at all, but chose to go down the career path.

For myself, I find this a confusing and frightening time. So many decisions to make, and not the greatest amount of time to make them in. Which path do I follow? Where should I go? Should I stay where I am, or attempt to move to a new place, start over, and go from that point? Do I shell out more money in the hopes of opening new opportunities and giving myself new direction? Or perhaps do I simply try to pick a direction now and make the most of it with where I am at this time? These are not easy decisions to make quickly or with little thought. Yet made they must be for me to continue forward with life and be productive and gain an income with which I may support a health family life, down the road. That pressure may not be upon me yet, but it is something that I do need to anticipate coming upon me sooner rather than later, and not put off the required preparation for it.

Where I will end up and what I will do will cause a large impact in my life, of that I am aware. It just remains to be seen what it will be. I wish there were some amazing words of wisdom that I could share, or that had been shared with me. However, if there is anything that I have come to understand in this short time that I have been facing this situation, it is this:

This is a hard decision, one made over a period of time with much thought and prayer and investigation. It may change part way through. Whatever the decision, it needs to be made well. Beyond that, I cannot say.