Lessons from Majora's Mask

It's been a very long time since I played The Legend of Zelda; Majora's Mask. I was far too young to catch many of the back-stories and underlying messages that are found within the game. However, I have been reading a number of articles that focus on exactly these things, and seeing how the author's bring out important and thought-provoking ideas has got me to thinking.

Perhaps the most influential lately has been the one titled The Illusion of Being Alone. I just read it, and I personally found it having a strong impact on me. A lot of what it said, of what it addressed, was a lot on what I have been thinking about lately.

I've never been quick to make friends or to grow close to people, despite the desire I've often had to do just that. Having moved several times in the last few years has made it that much harder for me to reach and out connect with those around me. I'm the type of person who, when I make a good friend, I tend to try to hold on as long as I can. I crave close friends.

With the most recent move, I have found myself in a position where I have felt alone. I've only felt this alone once before, years ago. It was an experience I hated, and I never wanted to repeat. Yet, here I have found myself in a similar situation, in a place that I know very little about, with no one around that I know really well or that I see on a regular basis. The few people who I know live out here I have either seen only briefly or not at all.

Combined with that has been a general silence from those I have called friends over the years. I believe, for the most part, it is not an intentional thing, merely the result of years passing, of aging, and of moving on. These are natural things in life, and I cannot begrudge them. Merely that it seems to have happened with everyone all at once. 

Some days have left me feeling empty and alone and desperate, just wanting to know that I've not been tossed aside. Other days, I don't worry about that for one reason or another. Sometimes I feel like no longer talking to those whom I have called friends, either to move on or to see if they even notice. And then I usually get my head back on straight, after a while.

I have felt loneliness, that emptiness. I know how hard it is to deal with, how it can be a corrupting influence, leading a person to do things they never thought they would ever do. How it can be a motivator to great things, too. And I can see that often, loneliness is a self-applied thing. Yes, it is true, I don't have the same level of friendships and connections I used to have, but how much of that is my fault and how much of that is the nature of life? I can't answer that, because I don't know. What I do know is that it is up to us to decide how we choose to respond when the that lonely feeling surrounds us like an unstoppable army. How do we, how do I, choose to respond and react?

Painful Learning

I think you get the picture (ha, get it?). This has been my weekend, so to speak, and I've felt like doing this multiple times. Why? I've been trying to clone my hard drive (make an exact copy from my current hard drive onto another to replace the old one), with limited success. I'll spare you the details.

However, throughout all this, I have learned a lot of things about computers, how they work, how they don't work, a tiny little bit about how and why they do what they do, and a whole lot about patience while waiting for my computer to finish doing whatever it was doing. Multiple times.

I won't claim to be an expert on cloning hard drives successfully (though if you ever need to, I recommend the DriveClone program found HERE; it worked well for me, more so than some others, though for cleaning off my hard drive, the EaseUS ToDo Backup tool worked alright - failed at successfully cloning, though.). However, I have gained a bit of insight into learning.

I studied education at BYU-I for years, and I learned a lot. Today, I learned even more. The best learning really does come after a lot of hard, and often painful and frustrating, work. It costs a lot of time, effort, sweat, tears, feelings of throwing things out of windows, praying, and all-around hoping that things actually work. But, eventually, you learn something. You learn how something works. How to do it right. How to make things not blow up. In the end, it really does end up worth it. Somehow.

Or maybe something more like this.

From Behind the Mask

So, I'm sure many of you have heard me talk about masks before, the idea of hiding behind them, or using them to help disguise how we feel, etc. Or even the idea that sometimes we become to attached to our masks that we start to become our mask (I'm sure there's a Majora's Mask reference in all this somewhere). It's all well and true, but today I wanted to think on something else. The idea that sometimes we hide behind a mask we hadn't even realized was a mask. At least, not fully.

I got this idea when I was challenged to day to change my facebook profile picture to a picture that was actually of me, and not of my avatar. This was done in the name of trying to encourage me to be more socially skilled, and maybe it'll help. That aside, it's left me thinking some. I'm not a huge fan of having my picture taken. No major reason. In fact, I used to be a lot less against it and used to ask people to take my picture in certain circumstances. That's changed over the last few years, and I've begun to wonder why.

I've changed in a lot of ways over the years, in many different areas of my life. Apparently somewhere in there, I picked up a desire to avoid being in front of the camera, preferring to be the one taking the pictures. Thinking on it today, when I was initially challenged to change my picture, my gut reaction was "No way!" Then I paused and thought, just a little, why? Why was I so against changing my picture? Why would I prefer to have my avatar dude, as cool as he is, represent me to the world at large? That's not me, that's not how I look or dress (anymore, it's based off one of the uniforms I used to wear at a former job). It's not even how I act, really. Maybe it was who I wished I was? Was I using it as a pseudo-escape, an imagining of something other than what I perceive myself to be?

This comes in the wake of some other interesting revelations and realizations that I won't share here, but suffice to say, have left me thinking about a lot of things. One big one I will share is that of self-image, how I see myself. It's with that in mind that I have been approaching this picture/mask idea. I think it's quite possible that I turned my avatar into the mask it appears to be, not just because a guy standing there looking intimidating (as intimidating as a Minecraft-esk character can be) with a bow is cool, but because it wasn't me. It was something different, something that to me embodied hopes and dreams of maybe who I could be, not who I was, or who I perceived myself to be.

Hiding behind masks is nothing new, especially for me. But this one caught me by surprise. I can't say that I won't continue to hide behind masks now and again, but I am hopeful that now I can see a bit more of who I am, and see myself when I am moving to hide behind a mask without realizing it. Being me is something that I need to work on more, and stop hiding behind the many faces I'd rather others see.

Endings, Beginnings, with a little chaos.

2014. I don't know what to think about it. As I'd read other people's views and opinions of 2014 and how they couldn't wait for it to end, I continued to think how I wanted to be different, how I wanted 2014 to be a good year, how I wanted to look back on it with happiness and excitement. Maybe that attitude is slightly colored by the fact that I really liked the year 2004, for whatever reason, and since it's been 10 years, I would hope it was just as good. Not totally true. But not entirely false, either.

2014 has seen its fair share of frustrations and pains. There are a lot of things about 2014 that I wish had gone differently, not the least being how things have turned out with my car - not at all as I had hoped. I suppose not everything can be.

It has also had its bright moments. I've met people whom I'm glad to have met and been able to get to know, and I wouldn't trade that for anything. I've had some experiences that were exciting and adventureful, even educational.

Overall, 2014 has been a year of many different things. 2015, well, now that may prove to be an interesting year. I'm in the midst of travelling to Utah, and so far it has been mostly a mess. A potentially completely dead car may not be the best way to start the year, but if that is the worst this year offers me, then perhaps the year won't be a disaster after all. I am for it to be an awesome one!  After all, just because one crazy event happens, the future can't be based upon that alone.

If this hasn't made a whole lot of sense, well, I'll be honest, I'm mostly scatter-brained right now. I'm looking forward to a chance to breath tomorrow, and hopefully get back on my feet and face the new year with gusto and energy! Here's to making it a great one!!! Happy New Year, everyone!

Mercy

"But behold, he did deliver them because they did humble themselves before him; and because they cried mightily unto him he did deliver them out of bondage; and thus doth the Lord work with his power in all cases among the children of men, extending the arm of mercy towards them that put their trust in him." (Mosiah 29:20)

Christ has an ever-lasting desire to show unto us mercy, and will do so as we put our trust in Him and follow Him and keep his commandments. We are not perfect, we stumble and fall. We sometimes lose our way. Sometimes we even act out in open rebellion against Him. And yet, He stands ready to receive us should we choose to turn back to Him and lean on Him.

As I face a new start and new direction in my life, this is a comfort to me. I know He is there, that He loves me, and although there may be moments when I lose sight of that or forget the true extent of that love, He is always there to remind me. Sometimes it's a gentle nudge, sometimes it's a shove. It's always what I need at that time. I am grateful for Christ, for the Atonement which He selflessly performed, and for His great willingness to love me and forgive me.

Finding Happines

I know that I want to say something, but I'm not entirely sure how to put it into words. Which, in and of itself, is something that isn't terribly common, at least "on paper." 

It's interesting to see how we search through our lives trying to find happiness, and the different routes we take to get there. We keep happiness as our end goal, but I honestly think that very few of us know how we want to get there, or what will really help us arrive.

There are some who choose to partake in activities that may bring momentary pleasure, and for the sake of pleasure, I can understand that. I may disagree with it, but I can understand, at the very least.

There are those who deny themselves some things in life that would bring happiness, should they seek after them. Things which are good and wholesome and uplifting.

There are those who seek it in solitude, locked away from the world with any number of distractions that aim to occupy the mind and pull the eye.

There are those who look for it in company, companionship with many people. They spend their time endlessly socializing and meeting and going places.

And then, there are those who look for balance. They find those things which bring pleasure, of a good kind. They spend time with those that make them smile and feel good about life. They take time to recharge their batteries when they need to, relaxing in quiet. They avoid indulgence to abundance or neglect. and are not afraid to take the time to do those things which are less than fun to do. They don't shy away from the hard work, but smile through it. They reach out and uplift others, bringing them up to a greater level of happiness.

I cannot for sure say who or where I am on this road of life toward happiness. I'm still trying to find my place, and how to get there, but I'm getting some really good ideas of what will make me happy and what will not. Of what will truly satisfy the good cravings of my heart and soul. I know not every day will bring joy, nor every activity bliss. That is alright. No day is the end of "it all." When one thing doesn't work out, I can look for the next. If I find myself wandering the wrong road trying to find happiness, I can backtrack and find a more correct path. I can enjoy the company of those around me when I am able, and find peace in the quiet times when no one is able to be around.

I can find happiness.

Thoughts Before Leaving

As many of you know by now, I'm going to be leaving Virginia just before the New Year. I'll be headed out to Utah to start up school at UVU, studying Information Technology, most likely for the next two to three years. This wasn't an easy decision for me to make, and it's still got a couple of question marks attached to it, but I feel it is the right move to make and that it is the place for me to be going to right now.

That being said, this move has given me pause, as it approaches rather rapidly. I've had a number of things to think about and ponder on, and it's given me some interesting reflection and introspection. I just thought I'd share a few.

Personal shells can be helpful at times, but if stayed in too long, it generally only leads to regret. This isn't a new thought, but it is one that I keep re-learning almost every place I go. When I meet new people or end up in a new situation, often I'll retreat into my personal shell and just observe the world. Out here in Virginia, it wasn't until only the last few months that I've begun to emerge from my shell and to make friends. This has turned out to be my loss, as there are some amazing people out here that I wish I could have gotten to know better.

Relying upon the Lord in all things is perhaps the most important thing for us to do, because if we choose not to, we do so at our own peril. Times like this can be especially trying due to my moving and not knowing anyone (often) in the place I am moving to, or knowing very little about where I'll be. I don't do anxiety or stress very well, and this is a time that is full of both. It is a good time to remember that I need to turn tot he Lord to find guidance, direction, and comfort while I'm settling into a new life and making new friends. And then, to remember to not turn away from His help after I have settled in, because I will always need His help, and there is always a new situation to be faced.

Courage is something that can come and go, most often at the worst times. There are a lot of things in life that take courage and guts, and without them, it is easy to become lost and discouraged and miss out on many possible opportunities. Sure, not everything is fun. Sure, sometimes things don't go the way we'd hoped or planned. Sure, sometimes people turn out to be very different than we'd hoped, or they shut us down without a second thought. Life is like that, so very often, and all we can do is move on, pick up our courage, and keep on to the next opportunity. It isn't easy, and it wasn't meant to be easy. Nothing good comes without effort or price.

I will stop here, so that I don't drive you all insane. But before I go, to anyone who may read this that I have gotten to know over the last year and a half in Virginia, no matter how much or little, thank you. Thank you for making this a fun, interesting, and overall great adventure. Thank you for letting me share in your lives and your dreams. Thank you for helping me to feel like I could belong here, even if only for a short while. I wish you all the best, and may good things come to you in great numbers. May you be blessed and kept safe and happy. May we all be kept so.