Feelings, Opinions, and Thoughts

We all have them. We're made of them. They're in each one of us, every day, all day. They shape who we are. They change how we interact with those around us. They fuel our decisions, and affect our view of the world.

They are our feelings. They are our opinions. They are our thoughts. They are us.

I've been doing a lot of thinking and reflecting lately on life and how it plays out before us. It never really ever seems to go just how we want it to go. That twist of life affects how we think, how we feel, and how we view things. Think about the movie Inception. One small thought, that life wasn't real, but a dream, changed the whole world. That change played a huge part in changing how another life was seen and lived. That in turn affected many other lives, changing how they thought and felt and believed. Those lives changed others. The effects spread. How we view life, how we feel, how we act based on our feelings and our thoughts and our opinions changes so much of the world around us, even if we don't recognize it right away. The changes are sometimes very subtle, barely impacting the world around us. Sometimes they are large and dramatic, having a broad, sweeping effect that is impossible to notice. They are there.

Perhaps the scariest of all of this is the effect that our thoughts and feelings and opinions have on ourselves. We rarely ever think to stop and look back at ourselves and see what we are doing to ourselves with how we think an feel and believe. What are we turning ourselves into? What are we creating out of the clay that is us? How will we be shaped when we are finished with this process? When will we be finished? Are we ever fully shaped?

Too often we give ourselves the excuse that we are too influenced by others, that they change how we are feeling or thinking or believing. We don't to recognize that we are the masters of ourselves. We choose how we will be. We find escapes, places to put the blame. We decide that we feel in a bad mood because our neighbor said something silly that we decided to take offensively, even though we knew that no offense was intended. Our thoughts are turned to other things because of something we saw while driving to the store. Our opinions are swayed because the TV tells us what is going on and how we should feel about life.

Scared yet? If not, then I can only guess that you have one of two views: either you are already confident in your control over your thoughts and feelings and emotions and are reading this with a small smile, or perhaps more likely, you are looking for something to pass the thoughts in your head off to. Something in you is looking at this and recognizing perhaps something of a truth, but doesn't want to accept it, so you find a way to pass it off to something or someone else. Maybe it's my fault for putting a thought in your head. But will you decide to take responsibility for what it blooms into? Will any of us take that responsibility?

Moods

I've found that I have strange moods. And that I can switch in and out of moods really fast, on the simplest things. I've also found, recently, that I do have some slight control over those moods. It's been an interesting discovery, and honestly, it's only just starting. There's still so much more for me to learn about myself and my moods.

One minute, I can be in a complete happy-go-lucky mood, and the next I'll be in a quiet, sedate mood. I might even switch into a down mood, or rocket to a crazy mood. I'm finding I can be rather unpredictable.

What is it that makes up our moods and what they are? What is it that determines how we will be feeling from one moment to the next? How do the things around us affect us? How long do moods last, and why?

Those are questions that I think many of us wonder about and are attempting to answer as the days and years go by us. We stop and we wonder, and then something distracts us and we continue on our way, our mood constantly shifting from one to another. Some people are able to maintain incredible control over their moods while others susceptible to sudden mood swings or changes that can't be controlled except with a lot of effort. It's a part of life for everyone.

One thing I have learned, is that we indeed can control, often to an extent, our moods. It's often dependent upon what we are thinking about, and how we are thinking about it. If we focus a certain way on some things, then our mood will plummet. If we focus on others, our mood can soar.

So much more to think about, so much more to say. It honestly really is incredible. Take some time to think about it!

The First of Some

A new year, a new start, a new this, a new that. Hey, it happens, what're ya gonna do?

So yup, it's 2011. Another year ended, another year started. Is it just me, or do they go faster? I still remember 2004 as being a really long, good year, though I'm not sure why. It just was. So far, nothing has quite been as long and it just speeds up. Anyway.

I haven't posted on here in a good while. Not much to say, really. Life continues to move along. You can see most of my updates about life on my Facebook page (which, for anyone who reads this, that's probably where you found this anyway, so it's a redundant invitation).

Lots has been flickering around in my mind lately. So many things to figure out, so much left to do. It's really funny, actually. The reactions I get from people when they ask how much longer I have left in college and I tell them another 2.5 years. It's going to be a long time. Yes, I've already been there 3 years. I'll be there around 5.5-6 years, total. I'm going to be a super senior. Never thought it would happen. Then again, I never expected a lot of things in life to happen and they continue to happen. It's especially interesting, what with most everyone I know from college before my mission being graduated already. I believe there are only four of us left now. Myself, Brandon, Melinda, and Torry. Brandon will graduate probably a year before I do. Melinda, I'm not sure, I can't seem to keep it straight in my head. Torry, no idea. Yet how much longer till it's just me? Seems to end that way a fair bit sometimes. Life moves on, leaves you alone, and lets you meet new people, go new places. Kinda a depressing thought, really, when you're not the type who enjoys constant change. Gets old after a while. Change now and again is nice, but not so constantly. Especially when people leave your life. That is hard. It's hard to watch people walk out of your life forever. Makes you wonder what it's like for them when you walk out of theirs.

Yeah, that's a bit of a rant. It happens. I warned you, this is my alternate reality here, anything goes. Just so you know. And honestly, it may not be the last time. Hence, the First of Some. But I never said what. It's an open ended title, allowing for anything to fill the gap there. Isn't it great?

Hope you enjoy. Happy New Years!

Stupidly Addicting Games (That are Stupid)

Have you ever managed to find one of those games that you play just once, on a whim or because someone said you should try it, thinking it was a really dumb game you would never play again, only to find that you couldn't stop playing it? You play it day after day after day, always trying to do better, to out-do yourself and your friends. You keep telling yourself it's such a dumb game and a waste of time, but you keep going back. Sound familiar?

No, I'm not talking about World of Warcraft. I still haven't tried that game and intend not to, because of it's addictive powers. Instead, I am referring to a game known as Robot Unicorn Attack. Perhaps you've heard of it before, maybe not. I was actually introduced to it through a friend of mine.

if you ever start playing the game, or even just look at it, yes, it is a silly looking game. You run through a level as a unicorn, a level full of rainbows and fairies and purple grass and stars, accompanied by really cheesy music. Yet it's so addicting, trying to out-do yourself from that last time. You earn points as you go, smashing through star blocks and collecting fairies (for anyone interested, there is a version called Robot Unicorn Attack Heavy Metal that is much less . . . yeah).

There are many such games like this out there, and they really are addicting. They do nothing but eat up your time and give you nothing really in return. You can always make an argument for improved hand-eye coordination, but really, it's just a waste of time. And some people really enjoy that.

The Opinion of Blogs

Some people like to sit around all day and ask questions of each other, and often of themselves. They find it a fun way to pass the time, or at the very least, a way to keep from going insane. Understandable. In this modern world of interactivity, downloadable movies and songs, fast cars, and video games, there’s still nothing better than sitting around and asking questions of the universe, which so often seem to go unanswered.

One question that I have seen passed around amongst this milling crowd is the one that in its most basic form asks: “why do blogs even exist? What is the point of a blog? If I really want to know what someone says, I’ll go ask them. They don’t need to put their opinion out for the world to hear without being asked.” Sometimes I just laugh.

Really, first off, one might say that the person asking that questions just wrote a blog, without actually posting it online. “But why would that be a blog? I hate blogs and would never make a blog in my life.” Sorry, you just did. How? Blogs are generally opinions. Anyone can create a blog these days, and the majority of them are simply people putting up their opinions on various things. Whether it be on movies, books, politicians, the weather, or their girlfriend’s mom, blogging is all about opinions. Well, at least in the private sector. Commercial blogging is a different topic by itself, which I’ll get to in a minute. So by creating a blog and putting it up online, I’m making my opinion available to people to be heard. Some would argue, “why bother, if I want your opinion, I’ll ask for it.” All I can say to that is, “shhh, when I want your opinion, I’ll come ask for it.” And that’s why your opinion is a blog, just not on the computer.

So what about this commercial aspect to blogging? What’s that all about? Well, if you step back and take a look at it (keeping in mind that blogging tends to involve a lot of opinion), you can see why it would be a useful tool. A blog about a new product, raving about how good it is and why you shouldn’t just by one of them, but three, plus five more to give to your family for Christmas. What do we have here? An advertisement. Nothing new. Ads have been around for decades, informing the general public why the Jones’s are so much better off in their new home with new clothes, new car, new power tools, new leisure equipment, and new everything else. Or why you should vote for Politician A over Politician Z. This is why this company’s products are inferior to ours, which you should purchase in large quantities. Company blogs, designed to sell you products or ideas – opinions. Honestly, you get down to the core of it, it’s all more opinions. This is why product A is so much better. This is why the Jones’s are much better off than you. This is why blah, that is why blah, blah blah blah. Advertising is about giving an opinion of a product and getting someone to believe it, so blogging, which is about expressing opinions, fits right into the category for commercial companies. It’s rather entertaining sometimes to see how people completely miss a blog and think it is something else entirely. Just be sure to check out what it is you’re reading, and you may be surprised to find that it’s just another blog in the sea of blogs.

But what about blogs that aren’t trying to sell you anything, that aren’t just another Joe ranting about how Politician D messed up the world and should be shot, but really are a group trying to get information out, trying to report the news, or something good like that. That’s a fairly unbiased thing, right? Well, it might be unbiased, to be sure, but it’s still got opinion at the core of it. Why are they putting up that specific bit of news? Why did they present it the way they did, with the angle or slant they did (almost everything has a slant/perspective to it, sometimes it’s just really well hidden)? Why is it important for you to listen to this specific person or group, and why is what they have to say on the matter more important than someone else’s? Why did they feel they had to put up this bit of information where you could find it? Opinion. That is what drives the blog, even in the news sector. Even in the unbiased sector. Opinion underlies everything that is out there in the blogging world.

The history of the blog is rather funny, actually. People think that blogging is a new thing, only recently come along with the invention of the Internet. Well, if you look at what blogging really is, you’ll find that really, it’s nothing new at all. Remember the Opinion section of the newspapers? You know, that bundle of paper you use to have thrown at your mailbox by a teenager on a bike, printed in tiny black-and-white print and giant full-page ads for things you’d never imagine needing in your life? That was the dinosaur of the blog. Opinions were given in the ideas of which stories to publish, how they were presented, the Opinions section of the paper, and even the Letters to the Editor section. Opinions were expressed consistently throughout the entire paper.

The blog is nothing new, the expression of opinion, the life-blood of the blog, is nothing new to today’s realm. It is simply a new method of presenting opinions to the world, making them even more accessible to a larger audience, at virtually no cost to those putting forth their ideas and opinions. So the next time you hear someone complaining about how blogs are annoying or that they are something that are useless or pointless, ask them to consider keeping their blog to themselves.

Sometimes I Wonder

Sometimes I simply sit and wonder,

Staring off into the sky.

What mysteries await me there,

What secrets does it hide?

I often find myself

Treading down life's lonely road.

Yet tis the path I choose to walk,

Despite the the silence there.

My mind has seen the past behind,

And wonders at the future ahead.

Dreams and hope are present there,

But so little certain is.

I sit and marvel at what I can see,

And dream of what is blind.

I seek for that which I hope,

And wait for time to bring to me.

Sometimes I simply sit and wonder,

Dreaming of what might be,

Knowing of how it can be,

But waiting simply for my time to see.

Memories

Today I was over in the Manwaring Center (MC), waiting to meet some people. While I was sitting there, reviewing what I wanted to do this semester in the Sunday School, I stopped and looked around where I was. I was sitting in the outer-most area of the Crossroads, the new-ish cafeteria here at BYU-Idaho. It's a nice place, to be sure, lots of hard work has gone into it. But while I was looking around, seeing the new stuff and the construction still on-going, memories of years back began to flood my mind.

About three years ago, before the construction began, the MC looked a lot different. Instead of the Crossroads, it housed the Galley. What is now a construction area used to be the Bookstore and Nordic Landing (though while I was gone, it was all the Nordic landing, the Bookstore having moved). Part of the current Crossroads used to be the East Ballroom. The passage to the west side of the building, with it's old red tile, it's staircase, West Ballroom, and classrooms have all vanished behind the wall of construction. What used to be an area I was familiar with is now still so foreign to me. So different.

And with the memories of the old MC came the memories of people past. Of the people I used to spend my time with, those whom I associated with. So many years ago. What different lives we now lead. Many have moved on, most married. All have graduated, with the exception of those who were on missions around the same time as each other. Even those of us have begun to wander different ways, finding new people to associate with. Most of those who are left from those early years are busy with classes and work, and a good number with boyfriends/girlfriends. It's strange to watch, even while it is exciting.

Memories are funny things. They seem to strike right when you least expect them, in the most innocent of circumstances, and can have such different effects on you. For me, today, it was a trip back down memory lane, a moment filled with nostalgia as I remembered those whom I used to spend my time with, in the places we used to frequent, and how they are all gone. I thought about where they are now, what little I know about the present. Thoughts about how even I have changed ranged through my mind as I thought about what I now spend my time doing and who I spend it with. Life is very different now from what it once was. Not better, not worse, just different.

The one thing that must be kept in mind about memories is that they shouldn't rule us, no matter how strong they are, how cherished they are, or how hurtful they are. Memories are just that, memories. They are not the present, they are not the future, and they are only a part of us, not the whole of us. Sometimes that's what we struggle with the most, because many of the memories we have are wonderful ones, but it is a part of life that we must learn to accept and continue on despite, or because of them.