Looking at Eyes

When was the last time you stopped and actually looked AT someone's eyes? I don't mean you were looking them in the eyes while talking, or seeing "into" their eyes, or anything like that. I mean exactly what I said, when did you last actually look at someone's eyes?

I've seen a broad range of eyes over the last few years, full of colors and hues that have made me pause and marvel at what I have seen.

Eyes a shade of grey that can only be found in a cloud lit from behind by the sun.

Eyes of different sizes and colors, a mismatched pair that yet still worked well together.

Eyes such a rich, sparkling sapphire blue that demand your attention and admiration.

Eyes the striking green of a rain forest after a summer shower.

Eyes a black as midnight that seem to swallow you whole.

Eyes a hazel that couldn't seem to make up its mind, shifting back and forth between green and brown.

There are so many eyes all around us, offering so many different sights and beauties of their own. So the next time you are talking with some, take a moment, and look. See their eyes, and find their unique beauties.

Thoughts on Friendship, Part 2

A few days ago, I sat down and started to write out this blog, and got several paragraphs into it. "Why do we want friendship?" I was looking at it, analyzing it, trying to explore it, but I simply couldn't seem to make much headway with it. So I left it alone for several days.

During those few days, with it percolating in the back of my mind, I realized several things. First off, the ins and outs of friendship, as a subject, have most likely been explored since people were first capable of making friends. So anything I can say will most likely be a rehash of everything ever thought of. No surprise there, but it's fun to discover things for yourself, right? Secondly, I realized I was over-thinking this entire thing. Sure, there are bits and pieces of the topic of friendship that I really want to dive into and explore, if only for myself, but this part, the why we want friends, seems really simple now.

In essence, as I see it, we want friends because we want to know we matter to someone else. We want someone to talk with, to play with, to share secrets with, to make discoveries with. We want someone to pull us up when we're down, who can see through our outer shell and know what we are really thinking. We want someone there who will call us on the carpet when we won't be honest with ourselves. We want someone to stand up for us when others try to put us down. We want to matter.

What more is there to say about it? Wanting to know that someone cares about us is a part of being human. It doesn't have to be a lot of people. But knowing that at least one person is there for us, whenever we need them, can be the best feeling in the world.

Thoughts on Friendship, Part 1

So, to introduce this, I've been thinking on the concept of friendship for the last while. What is friendship, why do we seek to have friends, what are the different kinds of friends we have, and lastly, how we keep friendships alive and how those friendships end. I going to be looking at these ideas over the next while, though with no promises as to how soon they'll all be out. Be warned, this is a thought experiment constantly under development, so it may move and change as these posts appear.

So, let's start off with the question, "What is friendship?" That, I think, is a paradoxical question, in that it offers both a simple answer and a complex answer.

I ran across a fortune cookie the other day that put it this way: "Friendship is understanding with love." Okay, not exactly a fortune, but an interesting thought nonetheless. I read it and thought, "so is that what friendship is really all about? Understanding with a side order of love?" (Okay, I was in the restaurant at the time, so it seemed appropriate.) It really is a simple way to summarize what real friendship is, though - knowing someone, understanding them, and loving them.

Friendship is something more, though, when you really delve deeper into the concept. It embodies more, such as trust, concern, service, sympathy, and devotion. If you take out any of these concepts, you weaken friendship, even to the point where it decays to nothing (I'll come back to this in a future post). When you find yourself caring about another person, interested in spending time with them and having fun together, wondering about how their life is going, caring about their concerns and worries, supporting them through both good and bad times, you are experiencing the fruits of friendship. It is all of these things, and so much more.

I still feel that this is an incomplete ideal of what friendship is, at best. The more I think on it, the more I wonder if it is possible to truly define what friendship is and what it can be. Maybe it is something unique and individual to each friendship. Maybe there are so many traits that go into making up friendships that no one friendship can have them all. What do you think? Do you agree with what I've considered here? Do you disagree? Have more to add? Let me know, I've love to hear what you think. I highly doubt I'm done thinking about it myself.

Buried by the Mountain Waves

I recently read an article in the October 2014 Ensign magazine that really caught my attention. It was about this man who was dealing with depression, struggling to get up and go to work every day, praying for help just to find the strength to make it through one more day. He went on to compare this experience to the story found in Ether, where the Jaradites were crossing the ocean in barges that were being pushed along by winds and storms. He makes specific mention of the weather, "And it came to pass that they were many times buried in the depths of the sea, because of the mountain waves which broke upon them."

That is the idea that I want to focus on here, just for a moment. Those days when we feel like we're being crushed under the weight of a mountain. Where our trials and our difficulties and our struggles just seem too strong and powerful to overcome. Where it feels like everything is arrayed against us and is determined to drag us down to a crushing destruction. We've all had those days. Some have had them more often and more powerfully than others, yes, but I don't think anyone is immune to those feelings, and will run into them at some point in their life.

The man in the article continues on, noting how when the Jaradites were buried in the mountain waves, they would cry unto the Lord and He would bring them up again to the surface every time. So it is with us, the Lord can pull us through and bring us up to air again. And often, we will be hit with another mountain wave, just as the Jaradites were. The storms continue to rage all around us, and so we can expect that we will continue to be pounded on each side. But we can trust that as we reach out to God, He will pull us back up every time. We cannot lose hope and allow ourselves to sink down into the crushing black.

The article reaches its finale by focusing on this last section of scripture: "And it came to pass that the wind did never cease to blow towards the promised land..." This perhaps is the most important line in the whole section, when focused on our analogy. The winds and storms that were causing the mountain waves that buried the Jaradite barges were the source of their movement towards the promised land. Without those storms, the Jaradites would not have been able to get there and would have been stuck. It is the same with us. The storms in our lives, those that leave us feeling buried under mountains of hurt and pain and sorrow and anguish and misery are also the storms that will bring us closer to the promises that God has in store for us, in our own "promised land." We may not know what we are being pushed to, exactly, or when we will get there, but the same was true of the Jaradites. Yet they did not give up hope, despite being pushed through those storms for very nearly a year.

We each will struggle and hurt, and we each will face times in our lives when it will feel easier to give up and allow the mountain to crush us, to give in and sink into oblivion. To all of us, I would urge us to never quit, to never let go, and to never give up hope. The Lord has promised that He will help us through our struggles, and allows for the pains in life to help make us better and stronger and bring us to where we need to go. Without our struggles, we will be stuck as we are, unable to become better. So let us plead with the Lord to make us stronger, to bring us up for air when the mountain waves crash upon us and drive us into the deep. And let us watch for those around us who may be struggling with their own mountains. Let us help them reach out to God, and know they are not alone.



All scriptures cited here can be found here.
The article discussed here is not available online as of the time of this posting, but should be available soon through this page.

"Wreck-It Ralph-ing"

I've been thinking about this for quite a while now, and really, I'm still not sure what it is I'm trying or even want to say. So if this gets a bit rambly, well, you know why. And yes, I know "rambly" isn't a real word.

A little while ago, I discussed the idea that we often don't really know what other people are going through and how they are dealing with life and life events. In some ways, this is a continuation on that theme, while still separate.

For lack of a better term, I'm going to call what I'm thinking about today "Wreck-It Ralph-ing." Not very smooth, I know, but it may help bring the idea across more smoothly. As you probably remember, Ralph is the guy who shows up to work each days, does his job well, then leaves. He seems like a pretty straight-forward type of person, focused on what he does, and proud of what he can do. He's also the guy that no one really knows, but wants to be known, just wants to be recognized as more than "that guy" and appreciated and a part of the world around him, not just another piece in it. So, "Wreck-It Ralph-ing" is being in that situation, where you're there, you see everyone else around you enjoying life, but you don't quite feel a part of it, etc.

Lost? Confused on what I'm trying to say? If so, that's perfectly fine, because I'm kind of lost, too. I think what's floating around my head isn't something that I'm going to be able to easily pin down, at least not for another month or two. My brain works that way, like a simmering pot. Eventually it'll boil, it just takes longer.

Anyway.

I think it's probably safe to say that we all have our days where we feel like we're just a part of the machine, that we are supposed to be there, but we don't necessarily fit in. We belong, but we're not a part. We watch and observe and think, but we don't really interact. Maybe we just haven't taken that step to reach out to others. Maybe others haven't reached out to us. And maybe, just maybe, we're not the only one feeling this way.

I can't speak for anyone else, because I've never lived anyone else's life. I only can speak from my experiences, and I can say, there have been times when I have felt this way. There, a piece of the whole, and yet still an outsider. Part of the group, but not one of the crew. A face you see in the hallway and say hello to, but not someone you think about past that. There are times when I have been right with those feelings, and there are times where I have been wrong to feel that way.

I can't say that there is any great solution to these feelings, or what causes them. Only that they are real. And that, I honestly believe, we all feel them at some point in our lives. To any and all who may be feeling that way, you are not alone in your feelings. We understand. I understand. Forgive me if I'm not great at helping to get rid of that feeling. But don't ever give up hope, either. We all belong somewhere. We are all important to someone, even if we have no idea that we are. Maybe someday we'll get lucky enough to realize it, too.

9/11 Thoughts

Today is the 13th anniversary of the attack on the Twin Towers in New York. Whenever this day comes around, we spend it taking some time to remember where we were when we first heard the news, when "our lives changed forever," as some would say. And change they did, but did they change forever? Did they change for the better? And are they still changing?

I was in my freshman year of high school when the attack took place, and for the next few years, I can remember always thinking about how we needed to get back at the people who did this, while at the same time wondering if it would happen again. I was on the West Coast, the complete other side of the country, and to be honest, in many ways, it wasn't very real to me. The loss of lives, the chaos, the destruction, and the resulting events that have been taking place since then. Now that I'm a little older, when I stop to think on what happened, it is more real to me and makes more sense, but I start to wonder, too, about how I have changed and how we as a country may have changed.

The most obvious changes right away were increased security and a pervasive sense of fear and vulnerability. We were America, the world powerhouse, safe and invulnerable on this side of the world away from all the chaos happening around the world. We no longer were that. And as a result, in many ways, we got meaner and more distant, from one another and from people around the world. We saw danger everywhere. We no longer wanted people who thought differently than us coming near us. Anyone who looked suspicious could be there to hurt us.

We also focused a lot on the lives of those who were lost. We grew close as a nation, as people bound in a common loss and hurt. Our pride was bruised, our families wounded, and American people and heroes had been killed. We found healing and strength in one another, we found hope in a better tomorrow through that unity that comes from tragedy. We found a renewed determination to become better and stronger and to never forget the loss that had inspired this.

Thirteen years later, I look around, and part of me wonders if we have forgotten all that we learned, all that we felt, all that we decided we would do and become. In some ways, it is the inevitable result of the generation shift. There are teenagers now who were born after the events of that day took place. There are people approaching voting age who know about what happened only from history textbooks. To them, it's just another Pearl Harbor - something that happened before their time that was a tragedy, but has had no significant impact in their lives because they didn't experience it. That isn't their fault, it's just reality. But what about the rest of us?

I see a public divided on politics, on lifestyles, on our position in the world, on race, on how we should deal with people who are trying to come into our country, on the substances we partake of, on the safety of our identities online, and on how we should view ourselves. I see and hear fewer and fewer comments on the world-shaking event that took place, only side mentions of heightened security due to possible threats because of what day it is. I see less of the strength we found as a nation, united in our way, and more fracturing over just what that way is. I hear less about how to become a stronger country and more about how to become a less involved country, while somehow trying to be an open country. I see confusion, distrust, anger, and pride taking the foreground in the daily life of America.

I also see compassion, happiness, unity, and courage where it wasn't before. Those who went and fought, instead of being reviled and spit up, are now being welcomed home and helped to find a place in a society that is striving to remember all that they have and continue to give to protect us. I see efforts to promote greater understandings of those who have different ideals than we do, who think differently than we do, and who believe differently than we do. I see efforts to create a better world to live in, that may be free of the hurts of the world before the events of that day.

We have all changed in some way, big or small, from the events of that day. Some have been good, and some have been less positive. Some continue to be felt, and some were quick to fade away. How we continue to remember and to change is entirely up to us. We can make positive changes as we remember those who lost their lives that day and since, or we can forget and possibly make negative decisions that will cost us again in the future. We can become a more unified and united America, or we can grow divided and splintered. We can live in happiness and hope, or we can scurry about in fear and perpetual worry and anger. The choice is entirely up to us.

Wherever we go in the coming years, may we always remember, and may it change us for the better.

Falling Down and Getting Up

I always find watching little kids run around interesting, because they have this uncanny ability to trip and fall flat on their faces, then get right back up and keep running around laughing their heads off, as though nothing happened (at this point, the physics nerds will start explaining all the reasons why this happens, which all makes sense). Then, I'll watch almost any pro-sports player fall down (for any reason) and spend 10+ minutes lying senseless on the ground. A dichotomy that I find very interesting.

The more I've thought about this, the more interesting lessons that I've drawn from it, in a mental and spiritual sense. A child, for the most part, is able to fall down and get right back up because nothing serious has happened as a result of that fall. An athlete, however, often falls down due to something rather impacting (see what I did there, huh?), and can have some more serious consequences.

Our life, our mentality, and our spirituality can be a lot like that, and I think it's something that we need to consider and take into account, for those around us and for ourselves. When someone is living a good, wholesome, righteous life, mistakes that they make can often be not so serious. Like a little child, they can get right back up and keep on going without a second thought. Sometimes it's more serious, and they get a skinned knee that slows them down for a while. But typically, such persons are usually up and going again within a very short time.

Those who are in different situations, however, living lives that are not full of good thing, or that are unrighteous, or even are in hard situations regardless of their personal choices, such as depression or a rough family setting, may get knocked down and have a hard time getting up. Oftentimes the blow that knocks them over is harsh, and the results can be very painful and difficult to deal with. They don't get up right away, because it's hard to get back up when you feel like you've been run over by a tank.

What I think is worth thinking on and focusing on, however, is how we, both individually and as a society, react to those who are struggling to get back up, or who are even still lying down on life's playing field, after suffering a hard blow. We may not have seen the last 100 times this person has been knocked down, the injuries they've suffered, the pain they feel, and the discouragement that is taking a strong hold of their lives. We may not understand why they don't want to get up anymore, or why they can't just bounce back and keep on going. Sometimes we don't see why "toughening up" or "manning up" doesn't work for them.

As seriously, sometimes we don't see it for ourselves, about ourselves. We fall down, and the world expects us to get up and get going again right away, but when we try, we slip and fall, or get bowled over again. We don't feel like getting up, but the pressure from those around us, and from ourselves, drives us to keep trying, even when we shouldn't try to get up so fast. Sometimes we need to lie down for a few minutes, rest up, recover our strength, and make sure we haven't suffered any severe injuries. And when we have been hurt, we should take time to heal. Athletes go off the field when they get hurt, and sometimes we need to get off the field when we get hurt.

The point here is that we all need to be a little more sensitive to those around us, to understand what they are feeling and how they are dealing with it. Not everyone can get right back up and keep going. Sometimes people are good at faking it, for many reasons. We shouldn't be giving them an extra reason to fake it. We should be the ones helping them off the field, if they need it, or pulling them back to their feet, or maybe even just handing them a bottle of water and making idle conversation while they recover for a few minutes. Let us all try to understand a little more, help a little more, and discourage a little less. After all, we all fall down.